"It's Raining Pagans"
after The Weather Girls, version by Ellis Cú Anann Arcwolf
Having finally found safe and relatively affordable housing, I’d like to celebrate my return with a silly rendition of “It’s Raining Pagans” that I wrote for a Neo-Pagan Discord server I’m a member of. I often have weird asides—oddly not unlike J.D. from Scrubs—and this joke arose from a very silly one where we were all gathered together so tightly, and were so many, that we exploded the venue we were at and then began to rain back down onto the city.
Behold the result. An example of building culture through fun.
“It’s Raining Pagans”
Magic winds rising (Mm rising), city lights getting low (How low, girl?)
According to all sources (What sources now?)
The street’s the place to go (You better hurry up)
‘Cause tonight for the first time (First time)
Just about half-past ten (Half-past ten)
For the first time since Christianity’s spread
It’s gonna start raining pagans! (Start raining pagans)
[Chorus]
It’s raining pagans! Blessed be!
It’s raining pagans! We’re blessed!
I’m gonna go out to run and let myself get
Absolutely soaking wet!
It’s raining pagans! Gods bless!
It’s raining pagans! Every tradition!
Dark, blonde, robed and keen
Norse, Hellenic, druid, and queen!
[Post-Chorus]
Gods bless Mother Nature, she’s a lonely spirit too
She took off past the Mists and she did what she had to do
She plucked every bright star
And rearranged the sky
So that each and every person could find their fave magi!
[Chorus]
It’s raining pagans! Blessed be!
It’s raining pagans! We’re blessed!
It’s raining pagans! Blessed be!
It’s raining pagans! Gods bless!
[Bridge]
I feel stormy weather moving in
About to begin (About to begin)
Hear the thunder, don’t you lose your head
Rip off the roof and sing instead! (Rip off the roof and sing instead!)
[Post-Chorus]
Gods bless Mother Nature, she’s a lonely spirit too
She took off past the Mists and she did what she had to do
She plucked every bright star
And rearranged the sky
So that each and every person could find their fave magi!
Oh, it’s raining pagans! Yeah!!
Hey, Ged.1
[Verse]
Magic winds rising (Mm rising), city lights getting low (How low, girl?)
According to all sources (What sources now?)
The street’s the place to go (You better hurry up)
‘Cause tonight for the first time (First time)
Just about half-past ten (Half-past ten)
For the first time since Christianity’s spread
It’s gonna start raining pagans! (Start raining pagans)
[Chorus]
It’s raining pagans! (Woo!) Blessed be!
It’s raining pagans! We’re blessed!
It’s raining pagans! Blessed be!
It’s raining pagans! We’re blessed!
It’s raining pagans! Blessed be!
It’s raining pagans! We’re blessed!
It’s raining pagans! Blessed be!
It’s raining pagans! Gods bless!
(Dark, blonde, robed and keen)
(Norse, Hellenic, druid, and queen)
She plucked every bright star
And rearranged the sky
(It’s raining pagans! Blessed be!)
(It’s raining pagans! Blessed be!)
The Original Song
If you don’t happen to know the song “It’s Raining Men” by the Weather Girls, it’s right here, courtesy of YouTube.
A nickname for Gerald Gardner, widely known as the “Father of Modern Wicca.” For my own safety, I make no comment as to the accuracy of the statement; he’s obviously still something of a big deal, and if I saw him raining, I’d notice.
“Shit, is that—? Is that Gerald Gardner? No way! 🙀”